Understanding LOVE Reversal Loops
If your heartbeat is the beat of life and Love within you, Love Reversal Loops are the beat of pain within you and are surely as consistent as your heartbeat. Love Reversal Loops are created from extremely painful experiences that happen daily for long periods of time. These Loops are at the core of us and provide us with the most radical and powerful teachings of the Earth’s Objective. There are two things that set Loops apart from Love Reversals. First, when you have a Love Reversal Loop, it is present and active within you every moment, it affects almost every area of your life, and they feel like they are a part of you as if they are the foundation of your being, but you won’t know it until you are big enough in LOVE and wise enough to find them inside yourself. Second, you will find you are addicted to feeling the emotion of the belief that is creating the Loop. The Loop is so powerful, that the addiction to feeling the emotion will keep your life filled with the pain of the emotion all the time, so much so that you will feel weird if you are not feeling the emotion.
Part of what makes the addiction so powerful is the numbness that comes with the emotion. When a person experiences extreme pain, the pain is always accompanied by shock, which is the body’s way of numbing some of the pain. So, when a body experiences extreme pain all the time, day in and day out, the extreme emotions are accompanied by feelings of numbness throughout the day. This is part of what creates the addiction, and this is the part that keeps us from being able to feel it within us.
The other part is the awareness that the emotion evokes out of us. For instance, fear evokes awareness of you being afraid of the possibility that there could be something around you that could hurt or kill you, hatred evokes awareness of what you do not like, shame evokes the awareness that there is something wrong with you, emotionally hurt evokes the awareness of feeling sorry for yourself, and guilt evokes the awareness that you have done something wrong and is often accompanied with the feeling that you deserve to be punished. We become addicted to the awareness that the Loop creates in us, the numbness is what makes them so difficult to find in ourselves, and both together make the Loops feel like they are the foundation of who we are.
If the emotions creating the loops are extreme, like horrified, terrified, petrified, rage, loathing, or severe depression, the Loops can cause debilitating conditions in a person.
The consciousness that these ongoing emotional feelings cause in us, creates awareness and intelligence that later become some of our greatest gifts. And it is the acknowledgment and understanding of these gifts along with groking that enable us to heal the Loops.
Most Love Reversal Loops come from our core lineage beliefs and deepest fears, hatreds, and misunderstandings.
To show you how they work, I will start by sharing with you how one of my Love Reversal Loops was created. I will then show you how it manifested in my life and how Shilou (my Creator Being/Guide) taught me to heal it.
My mother’s dynamic was a constant vigil to raise me as a good child with manners. We had absolutely no loving chemistry. Her heart was always closed, which hurt my heart. I did not feel love coming from my mother, ever. And since one of the ways we learn is by imitating, I would close my heart when I was around her, causing us to clash constantly. (This showed up as me having an attitude about and around my mother. I was not doing this on purpose. It was just the way it worked metaphysically; I was simply a child imitating my mother.) She was forever trying to get me to conform to her standards. She was not very intelligent, and I was, so I never felt loved or supported by her. In fact, I felt like I was constantly under her thumb, so to speak. I felt like she was continually trying to dominate me. I spent my childhood trying to play and enjoy myself, and she constantly made me feel wrong for being myself. Every time I did something that was wrong in her eyes, I would get punished. She would punish me by berating me or having me stand in a corner for some time. One time she made me hit myself with a ruler until I cried, but mostly she would pull my pants down, or have me pull my pants down, and then spank me. If what I did was really bad, she would wait until my father came home, and he would beat me mercilessly. Once he started berating me, he would go from anger to rage in a heartbeat and beat me so badly and for so long I would be left with welts and bruises. When I was three, I remember after one of the beatings, thinking how could any human treat another human like that. In my early childhood, spankings would happen once or twice a day, and beatings would happen once or twice a month, sometimes more; but the terror of those beatings was indescribable.
As I became older, I was always terrified of making a mistake. I would do anything to avoid getting a beating including creative lying which I often got away with. But the irony of my day-to-day plight was that I got really good at going against my mother’s constant controlling and nagging, without her finding out about it. Each time I did this, I would get this feeling of elation: ‘I’ll show you, mom, I can do what I want.’ An example of this would be, when I was five and going to school during the winter, I enjoyed myself by jumping in every water puddle all the way home. My mother got tired of dealing with my wet clothes and told me that if I came home wet again, I would get a spanking. So, on the way to school and all the way home, I walked through every puddle instead of jumping in them just so I could still have my fun. The satisfaction of getting away with stuff like that was the highlight of my days.
The dynamic of me continually looking for ways to have my fun, even though lots of it was against my mother’s and father’s rules and wishes, which made it “wrong”, and the ever-looming consequence of the spankings and beatings if I was caught, was a daily experience. The terror and being petrified happened so much that it became a Love Reversal Loop. I literally became addicted to, or you might say, it became a compunction for me to try to get away with things, all the while being terrified I would get caught. (Reflecting on my life, I can see that the stress of living through this compulsion to do things wrong, coupled with the constant terror of getting caught, caused me to have accidents all the time. In fact, until I was about eight, I was so accident-prone that I ended up getting badly hurt all the time. When I grew into an adult, these accidents happened less often, but other kinds of accidents often became costly. The terror I constantly felt also showed up as me wetting my bed almost nightly during my early childhood years. My father was scaring the pee out of me.) The terror of getting caught became one of the heartbeats of my pain. As I matured into an adult, there was no area of my life that getting terrified of getting caught or terrified that I was going to do something wrong wasn’t present. Because it became a Love Reversal Loop, the numbness produced from always being in a state of arrest because I was terrified that I might get beaten, made it so that I was never aware of the feeling of terror that was always with me. It just felt natural to be terrified all the time about everything.
This story is continued on page 353 in my book called Growing Big In LOVE. You can get your free PDF copy here: https://growingbiginlove.com/book-page/ Scroll down to Download Your Free Copy and press the button. You don’t need to give us any of your information.
