How to Heal Our Deepest Pain and Trauma
If your heartbeat is the beat of life and Love within you, Love Reversal Loops are the beat of pain within you and are surely as consistent as your heartbeat. Love Reversal Loops are created from extremely painful experiences that happen daily for long periods of time. These Loops are at the core of us and provide us with the most radical and powerful teachings of the Earth’s Objective. There are two things that set Loops apart from Love Reversals. First, when you have a Love Reversal Loop, it is with you every moment, it affects almost every area of your life, and they feel like they are a part of you, but you won’t know it until you are big and wise enough in Love to find them inside yourself. Second, you will find you are addicted to feeling the emotion of the belief that is creating the Loop. The Loop is so powerful, that the addiction to feeling the emotion will keep your life filled with the pain of the emotion all the time, so much so that you will feel weird if you are not feeling the emotion.
Part of what makes the addiction so powerful is the numbness that comes with the emotion. When a person experiences extreme pain, the pain is always accompanied by shock, which is the body’s way of numbing some of the pain. So, when a body experiences extreme pain all the time, day in and day out, the extreme emotions are accompanied by feelings of numbness throughout the day. This is part of what creates the addiction.
The other part is the awareness that the emotion evokes out of us. For instance, fear evokes awareness of you being afraid of the possibility that there could be something around you that could hurt you, hatred evokes awareness of what you do not like, shame evokes the awareness that there is something wrong with you, emotionally hurt evokes the awareness of feeling sorry for yourself, etc.… We become addicted to the awareness that the Loop creates in us, the numbness is what makes them so difficult to find in ourselves, and both together make the Loops feel like they are part of us.
If the emotions creating the loops are extreme, like horrified, terrified, petrified, rage, loathing, or severe depression, the Loops can cause debilitating conditions in a person.
The consciousness that these ongoing emotional feelings cause in us, creates awareness and intelligence that later become some of our greatest gifts. And it is the acknowledgment and understanding of these gifts that enable us to heal the Loops.
Most Love Reversal Loops come from our core lineage beliefs and deepest fears, hatreds, and misunderstandings.
To show you how they work, I will start by sharing with you how one of my Love Reversal Loops was created. I will then show you how it manifested in my life and how Shilou (my spiritual guide) taught me to heal it.
My mother’s dynamic was a constant vigil to raise me as a good child with manners. We had absolutely no loving chemistry. Her heart was always closed, which hurt my heart. And since one of the ways we learn is by imitating, I would close my heart when I was around her, causing us to clash constantly. (This showed up as me having an attitude about and around my mother. I was not doing this on purpose. It was just the way it worked metaphysically; I was simply a child imitating my mother.) She was forever trying to get me to conform to her standards. She was not very intelligent, and I was, so I never felt loved or supported by her. In fact, I felt like I was constantly under her thumb, so to speak. I felt like she was continually trying to dominate me. I spent my childhood trying to play and enjoy myself, and she constantly made me feel wrong for being myself. Every time I did something that was wrong in her eyes, I would get punished. She would punish me by berating me or having me stand in a corner for some time. One time she made me hit myself with a ruler until I cried, but mostly she would pull my pants down and then spank me. If what I did was really bad, she would wait until my father came home, and he would beat me mercilessly. Once he started berating me, he would go from anger to rage in a heartbeat and beat me so bad and for so long I would be left with welts and bruises. When I was three, I remember after one of the beatings, thinking how could any human treat another human like that. In my early childhood, spankings would happen once or twice a day, and beatings would happen once or twice a month, sometimes more; but the terror of those beatings was indescribable.
As I became older, I was always terrified to make a mistake. I would do anything to avoid getting a beating. But the irony of my day-to-day plight was that I got really good at going against my mother’s constant controlling and nagging, without her finding out about it. Each time I did this, I would get this feeling of elation: ‘I’ll show you, mom, I can do what I want.’ An example of this would be, when I was five and going to school during the winter, I enjoyed myself by jumping in every water puddle all the way home. My mother got tired of dealing with my wet clothes and told me that if I came home wet again, I would get a spanking. So, on the way to school and all the way home, I walked through every puddle instead of jumping in them just so I could still have my fun. The satisfaction of getting away with stuff like that was the highlight of my days.
The dynamic of me continually looking for ways to have my fun, even though lots of it was against my mother’s and father’s rules and wishes, which made it “wrong”, and the ever-looming consequence of the spankings and beatings if I was caught, was a daily experience. It happened so much that it became a Love Reversal Loop. I literally became addicted to, or you might say, it became a compunction for me to try to get away with things, all the while being terrified I would get caught. (Reflecting on my life, I can see that the stress of living through this compulsion to do things wrong, coupled with the constant terror of getting caught, caused me to have accidents all the time. In fact, until I was about eight, I was so accident-prone that I ended up getting badly hurt all the time. When I grew into an adult, these accidents happened less often, but other kinds of accidents often became costly. The terror I constantly felt also showed up as me wetting my bed almost nightly. My father was scaring the pee out of me.) The terror of getting caught became one of the heartbeats of my pain. As I matured into an adult, there was no area of my life that it wasn’t present. Because it became a Love Reversal Loop, the numbness produced from always being in a state of arrest because I was terrified that I might get beaten, made it so that I was never aware of it. It just felt natural to be terrified all the time about everything.
My Love Reversal Loop showed up in my adult life as me being terrified about all the ways I could make a mistake. Every day I was terrified I would make a mistake with my painting business, and there are lots of ways to make mistakes. I was terrified when I played games and when I lost, I would feel like something was holding me back from winning. I was terrified I would say or do the wrong thing with my wives, and then I would get in trouble. I was terrified I would get a ticket because I was good at driving fast and only obeyed traffic signs and signals when a cop was around. When I started my healing business, I was terrified that I would make a mistake with my clients and might hurt someone. The terror was in almost every part of my life.
Because I wasn’t aware that the terror was there, and I did not understand how Love Reversal Loops worked, the constant terror caused me to experience unmeasurable amounts of pain within my body that I have been living with all my adult life. This Loop was so embedded in my being that I only recently found it in the 61st year of my life.
Shilou has helped me understand how to heal it. I found that first, I had to learn to become aware of it. I had to learn how to feel it when it was happening. That took a few months. I started becoming aware of it when I played chess. I love playing chess and its complexity. If you are to win, the complexity usually begins within the first three moves. Every move you make has the potential for you to win or lose the game. As soon as I started playing, I could feel the terror manifest as pain in my gut. The more I became afraid of making a mistake, the worse the pain got, and the fear became terror. And in the beginning of my healing, it felt totally normal to be terrified because that was my body’s way of protecting me. So, in the beginning, it felt like I was going against my instinct to not be terrified. In fact, the first time I envisioned what it would feel like not to have the terror, I got immediately sick to my stomach and woozy from being terrified that I would lose the feeling of being terrified. That’s how addicted I was to the feeling. It felt like the terror was just part of me, integral to my defense of staying alive.
So, while playing chess, I learned to become aware of the terror feelings; I worked and worked on keeping myself smiling and present, move after move using my Gliding and Shining abilities, (these are very powerful Love Tools you can learn to use to stay in love moment by moment) and trying to get used to the idea that the terror was not necessary to keep myself safe. I came to understand that I was not going to be beaten if I lost. How could losing a game of chess be so important, so scary?
Once I was able to become aware of how the terror feelings showed up while playing chess, I started catching myself when the terror surfaced in all the other places in my life. Driving was a big one. I was constantly afraid that I would get a ticket or get into an accident. With driving, the addiction was so strong because if I lost my attention to the terror for even a few seconds, I could drive off the road or into an oncoming car and kill someone. If my girlfriend got triggered about anything, my gut would become instantly tight. In fact, almost anytime I would get around anyone with their heart closed, I would start to feel myself getting terrified that I was doing something wrong, just like when I was with my mother. I am a master at helping my healing clients heal, and every time I would start a healing session, I would find that my gut was already tight and feeling the pain. At work, I would start to cut a straight line while painting a door jam and find my gut getting tight. That is so ridiculous because I have painted thousands of door jams, and I am really good at it. Why should I be afraid at all, or for any reason of painting a straight line on a door jamb? And yet, because of the power of the Loop, my habit is to approach all challenges with absolute terror of not being able to get it right, of doing something wrong. The deeper I got into the healing of the Loop, the dumber being terrified about everything felt. Obviously, if I made a mistake, I wasn’t going to get beaten. And isn’t making mistakes a great way to learn how to master something?
After two months of continuously working on becoming aware of all the different places I was addicted to being terrified, I was finding that I still had a hard time keeping myself in a loving space through most of the areas I was working on. I asked Shilou what I must do to heal these addictions completely. Shilou explained that to heal completely, I must be open to understanding what I have been learning from pushing up against this pain all my life. Oh my Goddess! This was the final step to learning how to completely heal a Loop. I found that I have learned so much from being addicted to this terror.
First of all, the awareness that the terror created in me when I was a child, came from the instinctual need to protect myself, moment by moment, day by day. This awareness served me so well. It eventually taught me how to be aware of how everything works, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and metaphysically. The more I learned by watching, listening, and learning, the more I could avoid creating painful situations for myself, and avoid getting into trouble. The acute awareness I had continually experienced moment by moment, throughout my life, had helped me learn how to not get beaten, how not to die, and it made me super smart.
It became obvious to me that the logic behind fear is self-preservation, taking care of oneself to avoid pain and death. And that with the terror so close to me all the time, it moved me to master living in Love, the ultimate way to take care of myself. I had developed so many gifts from living with the terror — the awareness of feeling and understanding people’s hearts, how to listen and hear people, how to communicate with compassion, how to feel what it means to be integrous and honorable, how to work professionally, to be organized and timely, how to understand and cultivate healthy sexuality and intimacy, and how to become a leader through being an example of true loving action. I learned all this and more. And as the days went by, taking this all in for myself, after grokking an understanding of what living with my addiction to terror has done for me, I started healing.
So, once I understood how it all worked, where and when it was going to show up, and all it had taught me, I could heal my addiction to the terror step by step. I could feel myself getting stronger at being able to Glide and Shine with the terror feeling in the background, so to speak. I started to become comfortable in feeling confident that I could live my life without being afraid all the time. I didn’t need the terror anymore because I had the awareness that the terror taught me. Replacing the fear with confidence was truly a wonderful gift. It took a lot of work to achieve the willfulness to be confident all the time with everything. Doing so made me feel more Loving, and wiser about moving through this wondrous life I am living. And as I was going through this process, I could feel myself getting smarter day by day. What an incredible feeling!
What is amazing for you, is that after you have used the Love Healing Process to heal five or six unloving beliefs and all the habits that go with them, you can start doing the work of discovering what your family’s core beliefs are, finding your deeper and deeper fears, and start working on healing your Love Reversal Loops early on in your healing process. You will find that the debilitating qualities of your Loops are within many, maybe even most of all the unloving beliefs you have within you. It is not hard to see that Love Reversal Loops are the cause and foundation of diseases like cancer, heart conditions, strokes, migraines, psoriasis, and powerful diseases and painful health conditions.
If you do the work of discovering your family’s core unloving beliefs and habits, then you will have to spend time groking how it all works so you can discover what your Love Reversal Loop or Loops are. Once you discover a Loop to heal, you must learn how to become aware of it in your body. You’ll need to spend more time thinking about ways to heal the embedded habits. Ask the Divine Creators to help you find the most efficient ways to become willful enough to heal your Loop. Start learning to be aware when you are addicted to producing and feeling unloving emotions. Become aware of the Loop habits first, then use your Love tools to become willful enough to change those addictive habits.
You must become diligent and very Lovingly willful to heal your Loops. When you do, you will be amazed at what the freedom of living without that constant pain will do for your life. For me, it is so fun to paint door jams and cut straight lines in painting without fear, drive without fear, and be in relationships without fear. The strength you acquire from healing your Loops is priceless. You will also discover that the Loops will have been a deciding factor in the development of your identity and personality. It is good for you to write down all the gifts you have gleaned from their presence.
It is important that you understand that my mother and father are good people. They are both very young souls and they aways did their best in raising my brother and me. We had the best Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and Thanksgiving celebrations ever. Every year was amazing that way. We were well provided for with nice clothes and, nice homes in good neighborhoods, and my mother kept our homes clean and well stocked with great food. My father was fun to be around and loved to have fun. On a good day he would wrestle with me, tickle me, and teach me how to play chess, ping pong, sail a boat, or ski in water and snow. My mother and I clashed nonstop daily, and my father had his rage habit, but we did have our good days.
To help you discover the Loops you have within yourself, we are going to start by helping you discover the beliefs that have been passed down through your family’s lineage.
How to Discover Your Family’s Core Unloving Beliefs
First get really big in Love!
Then start the process of groking your mother’s unloving habits and patterns. When you were a young child, what state of mind and heart was she presenting moment by moment throughout the day? What habits did you pick up from her by imitating her habits? What habits did you pick up from her by reacting to her habits? How did she act around your father, her friends (if she had them), her parents, brothers, and sisters? It is really good to write all these things down. Writing them down will help you understand how strongly they affect you.
What kind of discipline did your mother present to you, if any? How did she handle stress? Remember that the core unloving beliefs you are looking for are your parent’s deepest Love Reversals. Their unloving actions and habits will be as natural as breathing to them. Your job is to find what those actions and habits are and then discover the unloving beliefs behind them. Once you have found what the beliefs are, if you use self-VAI, get really big in Love and ask aloud, “Is this belief the core of my lineage?”. If you have it right, your body will react strongly.
Then do the same with your father.
If you had access to your grandparents, what kinds of unloving habits did they present? Can you see those same traits in your parents? How do they manifest in you?
Once you have discovered the core beliefs of your parents, or whoever took care of you when you were young, remember that you will have to find out if you learned the same beliefs yourself through imitating your parents or reacting to them. Many times, we have both.
Usually, if you had a mother and father taking care of you while growing up, you will have Loops from both. Remember to intersperse your groking with getting really big in Love here and there, and Jai — ma to you for doing this work. It will serve you well.
This can be a very eye-opening experience for many people, especially if they haven’t worked on themselves like this. The feelings that will arise from the introspection can be very strong and powerful. Remember to be gentle with yourselves while using these processes.
Working With Your Deepest Fears
There are questions you can ask yourself to find your deepest fears. Before you do this however, it is important for you to discover if you are up to the task before you start.
To begin with, if you are not able to Glide and are not actively using Gliding daily, do not attempt to work with your deepest fears. You will need the presence of mind and the strength of will gained by Gliding to handle working with your deepest fears. Secondly, if you do not have active communication with your guides, the Divine, do not attempt to work on your deepest fears by yourself. Activating your deepest fears can be extremely unsettling, and if you are not prepared for it, it can be damaging. You could become retraumatized. It would be prudent to find and work with someone with a lot of experience helping people work with their deepest fears and, who understands the Love Healing Process and uses it themselves. And thirdly, if you are Gliding daily and have a great relationship with the Divine, go into a deep meditation and ask yourself, “Are you ready? Are you big enough in Love to work with your deepest fears on your own with the help of the Divine?”. Then LISTEN to the answer. If you get the message that you are not yet ready, then work on healing smaller beliefs and Love Reversals until you are big enough in Love to take on your deepest fears.
If you get a heart-opening YES that you are ready, Jai-ma to you for doing so much work on yourself that you can get to this level of processing! It’s going to be a fascinating journey.
For most of us, learning about Earth’s Objective brought us an answer and peace of mind to one of the biggest questions that have confronted all of us since the beginning of people being here on Earth: Why are we here? Before the Earth’s Objective, many of the answers we found to that question were disconcerting, to say the least. For most of us, those troublesome ideas became unloving beliefs, Love Reversals, and Love Reversal Loops that will all need to be healed.
When I was an infant, just six months of age, I was so distressed about the amount of pain I was experiencing due to my parent’s hearts being closed most of the time, that I developed pneumonia in an attempt to leave the planet and escape from the pain. As I grew older, I would eventually equate those horrible feelings of loneliness and abuse to the concept of living in hell. And as I grew older still, I would associate the complexity of the types of hell I was living through with being controlled by a devil, a Lucifer, or Satan. Plus, I was in so much pain from age 28 until now, (as I am writing this, I am 62 years old) that any focus on the constant pain I was experiencing day after day after day, was just proof that I was living in some kind of hell.
At age 62, even though I had healed almost every kind of unloving belief and habit within me, the pain never stopped, so obviously, I hadn’t healed them completely. On top of this, I was able to help person after person heal their pain, but I was never able to heal my own constant pain. This incredible healing process enabled everyone who used it to heal except me.
Only after groking the Love Reversal Loops could I start healing the deepest pain that was causing my daily pain. I had to understand that I was addicted to feeling the terror of being in hell, the terror that no matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough, the terror that Shilou was holding me back, the terror that all of this was too confusing to figure out, the terror that there was no end to processing, the terror that I could never get a day off from having so much pain, the terror that I was not strong enough to do this, and the terror that the Divine was torturing me. I had to understand that I was addicted to feeling the total chaos about communicating with the Divine. I actually found a Love Reversal Loop in which I believed that I should be punished all the time. That belief came from the experience of living through so much pain for so long, that I perceived that whatever I did to create such incredible amounts of pain was unforgiveable, and so I must be punished all the time.
After discovering all these Love Reversal Loops within myself, and after groking that I was continually addicted to feeling the terror all the time, I was able to understand that every moment that I focused on any of the pain I was enduring, I was supporting all of my Love Reversal Loops. So, the only way to heal them all, was to learn how to focus on the wonder of life all around me and within me, the exquisite beauty, the majesty, the Love, every moment of every day, no matter what kind of pain or how much pain I was experiencing in my body. I had to get so big in Love that nothing could take me out of my Love space.
Once I discovered that I had to understand and be open to being grateful for what the pain had been teaching me, it was only when I fully groked the gifts I gleaned out of going through the pain that I finally started to heal.
The relief that this realization gave me was so precious. After all these years, I finally got to the bottom of my pain. I was finally able to understand what to do. I was really good at being in Love willfully. I developed a mantra, “I am healing, I am healing!” that I used whenever it got tough. And almost as soon as I started using that mantra, I would start laughing, too, because for the first time, I knew I was worthy, and I knew that it would work because, I had already learned what it was teaching me. For the first month, the pain was horrible day in and day out, but I never stopped Loving. Here and there, something would sneak up on me that would trigger me for a few moments, but then I would catch myself focusing on the pain, start my mantra, and then start laughing. In that whole first month, only one trigger lasted more than five minutes. Most didn’t even last for one. I was healing the Love Reversal Loops I had discovered up to that time in my life, all of them by embracing the pain and understanding why it was there.
I know that what you have just read here is a lot to take in, but this knowledge gives us a means to an end. The means to heal our most destructive misunderstandings, our deepest wounds, and the habits that go with them. And the end of living in pain.
These processes are complex to some, and each one of you is so unique. Each of you has a lot to heal within yourself, and if you are up to the task of learning to do the work, you will absolutely be able to heal and change your life in so many ways. Developing a relationship with the one who is creating you will be the most efficient and rewarding way to help yourself. And I will do my very best to provide you with classes and workshops online so you can learn to use these processes effectively.
I pray that your processing brings you healing, relief, and understanding and that you continue to grow in Love and intelligence.
For classes and your free PDF copy of my book, Growing Big In Love, go to: www.thelovemastery.com
