I Was Afraid I Was Dying

Healed

My name is Jane and this was my predicament. I had chills throughout my body but especially in my lower legs. It was so uncomfortable and distressing that I was having a difficult time engaging in my daily life and especially work. The doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. After two months of tests, my doctor and her colleagues were scratching their heads.

They couldn’t do anything for me.

The anxiety about the chills became so great that I became fearful that I was dying. A friend recommended that I call Raven, assuring me that he could help me.

Seven sessions later I was healed. We found that the coldness in my legs was attached to my life story. Although I had told my story about my childhood sexual abuse many times, Raven helped me access much deeper pieces of the story that I had never talked about with anyone before. Not my therapist or my friends. He helped me open up and release deep pain and self -loathing that was making me sick.

I am a survivor of father daughter incest. My father started molesting me when I was 6 years old and it continued for 20 years. He did things to me and made me do things to him that were gross and disgusting to me. As I became older the abuse became more intense and he had to resort to manipulation tactics to get me to comply, like threatening the lives of my mother and family members. On a number of occasions, he was physically abusive to my mother. When I became an adult, I thought the incest would stop, but it didn’t. It got worse! I had to leave my Midwest home, family and friends and move to California to get away from him. Since then the repercussions of the abuse have lived in my body. It has taken me thirty years to heal.

Raven has an amazing presence that allowed me to open up and access and release feelings I had never expressed before. I felt safe with him. That was what enabled me to heal. I felt he could hold and understand details about my experience that I never felt safe to reveal. His intuition was right on and I always felt he understood what I was talking about. I felt that he knew what I needed to get well. In the beginning he told me that it would take about eight sessions and we did it in seven.

Now I am comfortable in my body and I feel better about my life and who I am. I am more confident, and better able to express and receive Love. That feeling of being the perpetual victim is fading, and I am much happier. I am so grateful to Raven and the Love Healing Process for helping me get here.

Can you imagine what Jane’s life was like as a child, to be continually molested by her father frequently. When Jane came to me, she had spent years in therapy trying to heal the feelings of being continually invaded which produced even deeper feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger and rage. The therapies did some good. Jane had realized that her father was wrong to act that way and that she herself had not done anything wrong. That in and of itself is a huge deal because when a child is continually molested by a parent or parents, trying to figure out what is right or wrong when she becomes a young adult or an adult, is very challenging. The only way I know to help a person do that is to teach them how to grow very big in Love, because it is only being big in Love that enables a person to feel the truth within themselves.

When Jane came to me, that is what I did with her. I taught Jane how to get big in Love so that she could feel what was right and what was wrong about her past experience. Jane had to get so big in Love that she could find a way to forgive her father within herself, because harboring hatred, was like trying to hold a hot coal within her heart. It just kept burning and burning a hole within her. Jane was able to do that but that was only the beginning. What was causing the sensation of her legs freezing was much deeper than that.

In all the years that Jane had been in therapy, she had never been able to tell anyone her darkest secrets. I have found that for many incest survivors, this is one of the most closely held secrets that causes so much pain.

There were parts of the physical feeling of the molestation that she liked.

Through the molestation there were some parts that felt good. All healthy children seek their parent’s attention but what she wanted was for him to just be a normal father. What made Jane’s legs and feet freeze was the guilt she felt for liking parts of being molested over and over, for years. She felt like she was so wrong for liking some of the things that happened to her. Here again, this is where Jane was able to find peace in herself, by getting very big in Love, so that she could feel what was right and wrong for herself.

Without big Love, she could never get past her confusion or her fear of being found out. Once she was able to get big in Love, then she was able to understand, the Love gave her the strength within herself to know what was right for her. Once she was able to understand, she was able to see that she did nothing to feel guilty about and she was able to release that deep pain from her body. Within days of her coming to this understanding and releasing the pain of all that guilt, the warmth came back to her legs and feet. She was able to hold her head high and for the first time in her adult life, be free of the guilt from that experience.

If you would like to learn how to grow big in Love you can learn how to use Love Time. If you would like to learn how to heal any pain you have in your body, you can start by learning to understand your unloving beliefs and Love Reversals.

Jane went on to live her life free of the freezing lower legs for three years. After three years she developed freezing feet. We worked together and helped her release more of her pain. Some pain is caused by so much trauma, that it takes time to let it all go. If you keep growing in Love, you will be able to understand your pain, which brings great peace.

Learn to grow Big in Love and to heal what ails you. Let’s do this together!